Technically speaking, nothing even happened. I was four or five yards out of my apartment, dog-eared copy of Wheelock's Latin in one hand, car keys in the other. It was late September in Texas, not hot but definitely not cool, so I wearing a knee-length summery dress. Nothing flashy, just cute.
He was standing on the other side of the parking lot, leaning in the window of a friend's running pickup, shooting the breeze. My boots pocked on the cement, and he looked over his shoulder and saw me. That much I attributed to human instinct and awareness of surrounding. It was when his gaze held that I got the first wrench in my stomach. My mind shifted into overdrive, generating reassuring thoughts. It was ten in the morning, it was light out, it was a good neighborhood.
I knew all these were true facts. Their comforting power waned as I continued across the lot to my car, and he kept staring. Not subtly, not glancing, a direct, blank-faced up-and-down stare. I gritted my teeth, kept my spine straight, and walked in measured, steady steps until I swung into my car, closed the door, and locked it.
This was not an outlying occurrence. It happens often, and to a lot of women. Stares in public places, honks when they're out for a morning jog, catcalls from across the street. Fight-or-flight adrenaline kicks up in those moments. Typically, I ignore it and just keep walking with a wrench in my gut that tells me to put a locked door, pepper spray, and maybe a firearm between myself and the guy in question.
I'm not saying here every guy who whistles at a girl is purposefully out to harass or attack her. The discomfort and fear isn't even an immediately conscious thing for me most of the time. It's my subconscious taking the factors at hand and running worst-case scenarios.
I don't have to process it consciously. My subconscious knows I'm a single, 120-pound, 5'8" female, and tells me to get the hell away. If it ever came down to an actual altercation, my chances are better than the average woman's simply because I'm pretty athletic, but they're not great by any shot.
That knowledge is terrifying. The resultant thought of being caught in a bad situation with no power to escape is paralyzing.
Sometimes I mention how these incidents make me feel acutely uncomfortable and like becoming a professional hermit. A lot of people - mostly other women - will agree, having had those experiences too. A lot of people - guys, mostly, but not always* - will say things like, "Well, it's because you're a hot girl/you look hot" or "Take it as a compliment."
I think often people who say things like this mean to be complimentary. I disagree vehemently with the underlying presumptions of these statements. "Well, it's because you're a hot girl/look hot" can presume the woman in question is the instigator simply by being female. It can presume a woman wearing flattering clothing should expect to get attention (and sometimes, is wearing certain clothing to get male attention) and should be alright with it.
I'm not saying I have a problem with men noticing that a woman is pretty or attractive.** It infuriates me that society often perpetuates the idea this objectification is acceptable.*** This can drift into dangerous territory in a hurry. "Well, she was hot" can rapidly devolve into "she was dressed to get attention" to "she was asking to be stared at", or, even worse, "she was asking for it."
This is not alright. I have not even touched on a Biblical perspective regarding this issue (a dear friend has written about that here, and I highly encourage you click over and read it - it's reassuring evidence some men do find this objectification trend deeply disturbing).
Even from a fairly neutral point of view, I have yet to hear a single reason that justifies some college boy leaning out of his truck window to yell, "Shake that ass!" as I run on the trail around campus.****
It isn't cute. It isn't funny. It sure as hell isn't excusable.
(Tangential/illustrative/amusing note: Some people have taken to compiling men's and women's Halloween costumes and comparing them side by side with little commentary.****)
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*I'm not stereotyping here - I am presenting facts of my (and others') past experiences.
**Obviously. It sort of helps with that whole perpetuation-of-the-human-race thing.
***I am NOT saying women don't objectify men. I am saying it happens more frequently the other way around, and that on a purely physical level, it's typically a lot more frightening for a woman to be objectified by a man than vice-versa.
****On a really tangential note, can I suggest popular culture is a detrimental influence on this issue? If I hear one more pop/rap song saying the good life is being surrounded by barely-/unclothed, suggestively dancing women...
*****Fair warning, there's a bit of profanity on this site, but it's illustrative of my point.
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