"I'd have taken you over every single other player on the team. However, it would have been kind of embarrassing when you showed up and were better than the three guys we'd never met. For them. Nor for me."
This text from a (male) friend playing on a (all-male) Ultimate Frisbee intramurals team bothered me for a while. I'd told him, half-jokingly, that if my university's intramural policies weren't so blatantly sexist, I could have been the seventh player on their team. I got this response. Then, as I cogitated (I love that word), I understood the sudden rush of table-flipping frustration. Here's why.
Men, typically, would not be ashamed to admit that perhaps their female friends cook better frittatas than they do (I choose this example knowing full well I have a male friend who makes a badass frittata, whilst I've never dared to make one at all). I've yet to come across a man who will slink into a corner and sulk over the fact that a woman can sew stitches around him (I can fix buttons, no more), or dance better, or clean a house better.
But God forbid a woman be a better athlete.
Does it matter that I've played Ultimate Frisbee competitively for four years and worked in godawful Texas heat to have excellent throws and catches, or that I've been a distance runner since middle school? No. If I arrive at those fields and show up men who aren't runners or haven't played Ultimate in more than a recreational capacity, I embarrass them by virtue of 1) being more skilled at a sport and 2) doing so while not in possession of a Y chromosome. I'd never get this kind of text message if this were a competition for, say, baking.
Can we agree that this is a special level of stupidity? People have strengths and weaknesses, because they're people. Not necessarily because they're men and women in completely separate and graded categories. Are men better at some sports because they're often physically stronger? Sure. The key word is "often" - not "always". We need to get past this often assumed and culturally ingrained idea that men ought to be better than women at specific things simply because they are men. It harms everyone.
Word.
ReplyDeleteYou have simply stated a microcosm society at large.
ReplyDeleteBiases are garnered daily by men and women, toward each other and amongst themselves, without any attempt to understand a person’s situation, capabilities, disabilities or desires.
Where is the “Love your neighbor as yourself”.
Just Sayin’
D